We cannot set the crow on fire. No matter how much we want to.
We must not use our meta-knowledge to trigger apocalyptic landslides.
What happens in the Redscale Company, stays in the Redscale Company.
We don’t talk about the Redscale Company.
Ghosts do not have rectums into which a ‘cold steel enema’ may be inserted. Especially if said enema is a +2 Greatsword.
Whilst a pet is okay, having enough to drown the BBEG under a tide of biomass on round 1 is not.
It is okay to be wierded out when the Half-giant gives you manly backrubs. Returning the favour is not.
I am not allowed to make the DM generate stats for castle doors, obelisks, iron bound chests or meteor impacts. Or Cliff faces.
Roleplaying a drunk character is encouraged. turning up to play drunk is not.
Letting someone play a dryad and have a armor-less AC of 27 is not fair, even if the rules say so. This is especially true if his AC got bumped up to 33.
The DM is allowed to pick on you if you piss her off. Even if its not actually your fault.
Pointing out that the DM is not particularly subtle is not very nice, even if she agrees.
Do not feed the DM.
Give the DM something to eat, dammit.
Cats are acceptable distractions from game, as are cats shitting on your TV.
Fighting bears with only your teeth and claws is acceptable if slightly dangerous.
Whilst biting a bear to death is technically possible, it is not encouraged
It should also be noted that doing so is an open invitation to DM bitchslaps
Just because you CAN make a character that can one-shot a tarrasque does not mean you SHOULD
This is also an invitation to DM bitchslaps.
If Alegoran finds something in a splatbook, he is to assume it is off-limits
Whilst the rules say you CAN summon a fiery meteor of doom, the DM discourages this. Doing so may result in you becoming the recipient of the aforementioned meteor.
The party will no longer start impromptu puppet shows with bandit body parts.
The Wizard is not allowed to join in with a Voodoo apple head from his spell pouch
He is NOT allowed to refer to it as Ms. Appleface.
We will not clean our guns during gaming sessions.
When a natural 20 is rolled on a seduction check, it is assumed that it worked.
Do not confuse the DM.
A natural 20 on seduction checks will not stop the bandit from trying to spear you… though it may make her a little weepy afterwards.
With a strength of 20 it is possible to rip entire trees from the ground and throw them at your enemies. Even if said tree is currently occupied.
Making the DM roll for birch is considered impolite. No matter how funny.
The DM must be aware that when she deliberately sets out to kill the party… she will kill the party.
Even though the Fiend is dead, that does not mean we can sing at his funeral. Especially if he is not having a funeral.
If you surrender and you are surrounded by people who can kill you with a single attack of oppurtunity, you should STAY surrendered. Not try and escape.
If you prepare a villain with an array of potions, you should try to remember that you HAVE said potions and use them.
You shouldnt have your villain engineer her escape plan at the absolute last second. Its just stupid.
Baiting and switching players with a villain that cant die permanently is perfectly acceptable.
Seducing the aformentioned villan is always an option.
Dead party members should be treated with respect. Dumping them in a convenient ditch is a good way to have your alignment questioned.
Resurrecting dead party memebers takes priority over drinking, wenching, drunken wenching, fistfights, tapestry making, masturbation, clothes shopping, shoe shipping, full body makeovers and Satyr tipping.
Snorting incense in a temple probably won’t garner you much divine favour. Especially when you do it decked out in artifacts of a rival god.
It is unfair to unravell the DM’s intricately thought-out battle several weeks ahead of the time said battle is planned to occour.
Especially when the DM is watching.
ESPECIALLY when you make a fully detailed colour map complete with troop movements, lines of assault/retreat and positioning of artillery batteries to compliment the ruination of said plans.
No one wants to listen to Melanth’s drunken rendition of the Beer Song. Even if it does sound better in draconic.
Catering companies generally don’t stock Gnome. Not even dragon ones.
Ballista must be loaded with either shot or spears.
The DM doesn’t appreciate it when her BBEG gets one-shotted with a triple crit. Twice.
The DM would appreciate it if you would pretend that she has any knack for subtlety. This means that, if your perception roll didnt tell you so, dont just assume the guy is a necromancer.
Yes the DM can randomly turn your character into a squirrel. No, you cant use your spell-like abilities.
When the DM is in a world building frenzy, gently remind her that half of the shit she is coming up with has nothing to do with the campaign.
37+ sentient races is more than enough for a world.
Especially when some of those have to be hand-crafted to be playable.
If the DM states that she will cry if this villain is killed, it is all right to kill him anyway.
Not eat him.
When the DM has spent hours and hours of her life crafting gods for the world, you are not allowed to edit everything
If the battle has gone on for over 5 sessions, it is time to wrap it the hell up.
“A gay saris just called me ‘hun’. My night has been made.” – Chelsea
When you try to give your players a chance, actually give them a chance